The Endless Redemption Arc
- Alivia Varvel
- Jan 13
- 8 min read
I wrote another thing about music. This time it’s a playlist of songs that followed me throughout 2024. I submitted this to one of Vocal’s challenges, but it sadly did not place.
Regardless, I’d like to share it with you all! This playlist has twenty one pilots, Greta Van Fleet, and even Bob Seger (yes really). Enjoy!
January - MGMT - Mother Nature
Turn those subtle reds into neon. You'll see the difference when it's done. But I understand your hesitation
The clock ticks past midnight, and it's 2024. I should be looking ahead. And yet, the weight of what I didn't accomplish still sits heavily on my shoulders. Remember when you said you'd finish your novel by August? Now what?
Now what, indeed.
This is why I hate goal setting. I like having no guidelines and no boundaries. That way the possibilities are endless.
There's never going to be a perfect set of circumstances.
It won't be until November of this year when I realize this song started at the top of my most played songs playlist for a reason. But hey, hindsight is 20/20.
February - Shakey Graves - The Recipe
This life don't taste right to me. They must have changed the recipe
A believable antagonist is impossible.
I stare at my scrawls of what are supposed to be my research notes. The bulleted lists for each character bring life and shape to who they are. There's still one that barely fills half a page. Jack Myers - Antagonist.
"Yes, you're angry. But what do you want?"
Hayley Williams sings as she plays guitar in my ears. Her song "Inordinary" from one of her solo albums preaches to exactly who the protagonist is. I have a playlist full of songs for her and the other characters that come alongside her for the ride in this story. But there's nothing for the man who is supposed to foil those plans.
What if...
Shakey Graves recently snuck his way into my Apple Music after catching one of his songs on an alternative playlist. And as I peruse his backlog, I find it. This is Jack Myers.
Days feel like a perfect length, I don't need them any longer but for goodness' sake do the years seem way too short for my soul, corazón
Getting out the house and staying with Grandma for a month should be the perfect opportunity to hunker down and just write.
...right?
No of course not because twenty one pilots just released a new song and now I have to go back and refamiliarize myself with all the lore of their previous albums because this upcoming album is going to wrap up that storyline-
Let me calm down.
Oh. Now it's April. Well... I can always get back to writing later.
April - Shakey Graves - Kids These Days
You were the young, dumb, chosen one. Now you shake your head and say, "Kids these days"
I gotta get my groove back. Maybe I should ease my way back in by writing a short story first.
Shakey Graves continues to takeover my Apple Music Replay. His album Can't Wake Up gets played pretty much daily during my drives to and from work.
"Kids these days," huh? Where do I fit? Time is weird like that. One day, I feel like I never made it past seventeen, and the next, it's like I've lived a thousand years and am now out of touch.
There's this contest for stories about hope I'm considering entering. Spending lots of time with Grandma these days has me thinking about a lot of things. Time (or the lack thereof), family, and hope.
A story takes shape in my head. A final chance to mend a neglected relationship.
I soon have a work somewhat worthy of submission. I have hope, even if it's only an inkling.
But I will hear nothing back about the piece.
I don't want anyone, know me or not, see me at my lowest. You don't have to drop, drop, drop, don't have to drop by. Nothing you can do this time
twenty one pilots drops the full album Clancy.
The month comes and goes, filled with nothing but me sitting in my room - headphones on and the world outside.
I recall nothing else.
Make an oath, then make mistakes. Start a streak you're bound to break
I'm twenty-seven.
It's strange how the right songs seem to find their way to me at the right time.
I fear I talk far too much about twenty one pilots. But I can't find it in me to care. There's something about the way Tyler Joseph writes music. I remember being nineteen, sitting in my dorm room alone and lonelier than ever. I surfed through the band's backlog and was struck by what I was listening to.
As I listened to "Addict with a Pen" and "Taxi Cab," I truly heard Tyler. And I felt heard.
I found those songs when I needed them.
And now eight years later, their music once again makes its way to me when I need it. I may still have some growing up to do, and my hopes and dreams need some work (aka this novel). But I'm less concerned with when I get there.
July - Djo - End of Beginning
Just trust me, you'll be fine
I decide to trade financial peace of mind for actual peace of mind.
Saving money is great when you still live with your parents at twenty-seven. But having a place of your own brings a level of contentment that makes it worth my wallet suffering a little.
Maybe having my own space will give me the nudge I need to finally get back to writing this novel.
I never learn. There is no such thing as the perfect set of circumstances. There will always be some excuse as to why "I just can't right now. Once this is done and that is taken care of, I'll get back in the trenches."
Once I finish scrambling to buy everything from dishes to furniture and unpack that last box, I'll crack open that draft.
August - Bob Seger - Night Moves
Ain't it funny how the night moves, when you just don't seem to have as much to lose. Strange how the night moves, with autumn closin' in
I'm in the car with my parents, on our way to our weekly pizza night. We're stopped at a red light, and the song that's been playing for about a minute actually starts hitting my ears. It's very 70s with a little bit of groove to it.
My dad is arguably the one person who has had the biggest impact on my music taste. I try to keep myself in the loop of the music he likes - which means whenever a song like this comes on the radio, I discreetly use the Shazam app on my phone to look up the song rather than ask him. Because if I ask him the name of a clearly classic song, he'll inevitably ask, "You mean you don't know this?!"
Spoiler alert, Dad: I don't. That's what Shazam is for.
Later, once I'm at home, I give it a proper listen.
Oh. We are so back.
My head immediately fills with visions of my novel and its much needed backstory.
September - Gregory Alan Isakov - She Always Takes It Black
But you'll love her till it all goes dark, you'll love her even after that
I long to get out in nature. But life seems to keep me just busy enough.
No perfect set of circumstances, Alivia.
Yes, yes, I know.
I decide to splurge on a trip to Colorado. I have this goal to see all my favorite artists perform at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre. There's something about being bathed in music on the side of a mountain...
Gregory Alan Isakov has been a constant in my life for nearly ten years. How could I pass up the chance to see him at his personal favorite venue in his home state?
Greg plays nearly the whole show with his band, but he takes a moment to play a song by himself with his guitar. He introduces it as the song that brought him peace when he was homesick while touring in Europe. His voice echoing off the rocks around us strikes something inside me. I see the night sky around us, feel the gentle breeze, and weep.
Splurging on this trip was worth it.
October - twenty one pilots - Vignette
Always sure-footed, educated, and was never scared. Now he can't hold out his hand without it shaking
I still can't stop listening to this album.
I've gone through phases of having different favorites, but this song seems to be the one right now.
I pride myself on being able to hold on to hope - to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I think this is the first time in my life it seems way too far away. The light is faint and shakes as much as it shimmers. Weighing all the different possible outcomes doesn't bring the small sense of peace it usually does.
I don't think I've ever been faced with this many unknowns before.
Still, you pull yourself up by the bootstraps and soldier on.
November - Greta Van Fleet - Age of Man
Who is the wiser to help us steer? And will we know when the end is near?
It's impossible to not feel the seismic shift that just occurred if you live where I live. Whether it's a welcome one for you or not, I don't think you can ignore its magnitude.
It feels unbelievably silly to use a movie to describe your feelings about something this real that deeply affects people's lives. But I can't stop thinking about a scene from "Oppenheimer."
The man himself Oppenheimer is talking with his wife Kitty. Whether or not Kitty was fully aware of the task set before Oppenheimer (i.e., building the atomic bomb), she could sense the gravity of the situation.
"Everything's changing...The world is pivoting in some new direction. Reforming."
That is exactly how I feel about this moment. It feels like a deep breath as things regroup, or reform. And once again, it's the amount of unknowns that is keeping me in a constant state of being overwhelmed.
But this song has been a comfort to me ever since it was released six years ago.
There are many, many times I blast it on my way to work in the morning as I watch the clouds, trees, and flowers remain blissfully unaware of the chaos we continuously create.
December - Halsey - Alice of the Upper Class
Can't you see that I'm an imposter?
The holidays are here once again. And what have I accomplished? Not nearly as much as I wanted to.
While I did a lot of cool and fun things and certainly grew a lot as a person, there's nothing truly tangible to speak for it, is there? The very loose (and easy) goals I set for myself were made in just that way so that I could at least halfway accomplish them. And I haven't even done that.
There's something that used to gnaw at me almost daily when I was in college: this idea that I somehow fooling everyone around me into believing I'm smart and actually know what I'm doing. It wasn't until very recently that I unlearned thinking about myself that way. But ever since starting this journey of wanting to write a novel and wanting to have a complete manuscript, it's crept back in.
Halsey released a pretty incredible album just recently. When I listen to an album for the first time, I sit down, put headphones on, and listen to every single song in order. No interruptions, no distractions, no skips. Like I said, it's a banger album. But this song closes out the album perfectly.
Can't you see I'm fooling you?
Another year has come and gone.
But there's no perfect set of circumstances, Alivia. Do it or don't. The time will pass anyway.
Well... There's always next year.
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